What Causes Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem affects our development of who we are, our happiness, and our ability to value our achievements. We heal our self-esteem when we find the causes. Licensed therapist discusses signs and causes of low self-esteem and ways to re-build.
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
Social withdrawal
Physical Symptoms (headaches, sleep issues, digestive issues, back pain or pain in areas of the body you hold stress)
Lack of boundaries
Difficulty accepting compliments
Negative outlook
Doubting yourself
Shame/Guilt
Blame others or not accepting responsibility
Project anger on others
Mental Health symptoms (depression, anxiety, stress, anger, etc.)
Compare yourself to others
Avoid challenges due to fear of failing
Joke about yourself negatively
Think you don’t deserve things
Causes of Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem has several causes. Everyone’s experiences in life differ, and we have different protective factors that affect the development of our self-esteem as well. Causes of low self-esteem in the simplest form are the things that we experience in life starting when we are kiddos. For others, we developed low self-esteem later in life.
Causes of low self-esteem can be minor everyday interactions, major life events, or a lot of minor events until they snowball into affecting our self-esteem. For some, we only learn about how they impacted us after processing them in therapy. Low self-esteem is often a symptom of a mental health disorder or has led to the development of a disorder. Sometimes it is hard to know which came first.
It’s also important to know not to judge what caused your low self-esteem. We are all different, but our perspectives and experiences are valid. It’s okay if something affected you. The important thing is to know if it did, how it did, and how you can recover to re-build your self-esteem.
Here are some causes of low self-esteem:
Parenting styles
If our parents or guardians were too strict or unavailable, their presence or lack of it impacted our self-esteem development. We learned if we had people in our corner or not. Disapproval or emotional distance has a great impact on self-esteem development.
Abuse (emotions, physical, or sexual abuse)
The trauma of abuse is the most impactful on low self-esteem development. Misplaced feelings of shame and guilt internalized, which lead to giving a loud voice to the inner critic. We learn we can’t trust others, which is a huge protective factor for high self-esteem.
Bullying
Bullying leads to feelings of isolation and distrust of peers either at school or in other social places. If home life is unstable or abusive, bullying creates an additional unsafe space. The constant stress of being attack leads to internalized attacks by the critic. Someone often displays effects of bullying into adulthood if untreated.
Influential Adults in Distress
Whether it is our parents, guardians, or mentors, their conflicts affected us. Kiddos often take on the emotions and negative effects from fights or conflicts more than we know. This leads to misplaced blame and guilt.
Social Media and Societal Pressures
Society itself provides enough pressures since within the halls of school, tv/movie media, and generational pressures. With the development of social media, the impact of media on low self-esteem has magnified. Social media and societal pressures often lead to disordered eating patterns, eating disorders, and drastic beauty standards that have long-term effects on our health.
Issues at School
Fear of failure and actual low performance at school can put undo pressure. These pressures, whether external or internal, lead to the inner critic fueling the fire of inadequacies and further development of low self-esteem.
Relationships with Peers
Relationships overall are impactful for self-esteem. They can be the protective aspects that help us develop high self-esteem, or they can be the things that break us. We learn to find validation from others, which causes low self-esteem when our inner critic compares us or tears us down.
Unrealistic Goal Setting
Achievements can help us in developing a high self-esteem. However, we don’t learn how to set SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, or time sensitive) goals, then we fail before we begin. Failure leads to fear of failure in all future attempts, causing a cycle of never putting yourself out there.
Affected by Low Self-Esteem
Self-esteem affects more than our internal dialogue. It is one of the building blocks of who we are, who we will become, and how we live our lives. Self-esteem affects other aspects of our lives, such as mental health, physical health, and spiritual health.
Area Affected by Low Self-Esteem
Mental Health (stress, anger, depression, anxiety, trauma, substance use, eating disorders)
Relationships (friendships, romantic, work-ships, family)
Communication
Criminality
Work/School Performance
Sexual Health
Abuse (spousal, domestic, child)
Psychosomatic illnesses (headaches, digestive issues, sleep issues, etc.)
Sabotaging Re-Building Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem puts us in high-risk situations that are potentially dangerous because we feel we are not good enough or we deserve what is happening. The way it impacts our mental health keeps us in a cycle of fueling the inner critic. That inner critic that forms our self-esteem is then a driving force in our self-sabotage that pushes us into these situations, convinces us this is all we are worth, laughs, and starts it all over again.
Inner Critic Sabotaging Tactics
Gets you to doubt your dreams
Persuades you to bottle up your emotions
Negative talk, putting you down
Puts your past on repeat, replaying embarrassment and failures aiming for shame
Compares you to others
Tries to get you to be perfect
Convinces you not to take care of you
People Pleasing
Invites negative people to the party
Brings up self-hatred
Ways to Re-Build Self-Esteem
The key is to remind yourself that you are stronger than your inner critic. Tell it to f*** off if you must. No matter what, remind yourself that there is a way out! Re-building your self-esteem does just that.
Say No.
Set boundaries.
Celebrate yourself.
Find your strengths or talents.
Be kinder to others and yourself.
Try new things or things you love.
Also, check out this blog about 5 Ways to Build Self-Esteem.
Disclaimer: This is in no way a replacement for a therapeutic relationship or substance abuse/mental health services. This is for educational purposes only and should be in used only in conjunction in working with a licensed mental health professional. Reading this blog or responding to it does not constitute a provider-patient relationship. If you are looking for a local mental health professional feel free to use the contact tab to request an appointment or search Mental Health Match, Therapy Den, or Psychology Today for local therapists in your area. If this is a mental health or substance abuse emergency and you need immediate assistance, please call 911, call 988, go to your local ER, visit your local detox center, or call 211 if you are in Oklahoma.